Spectating Wimbledon Spectator Fashion

Berries and cream
Berries and cream
I’m a little lad
Who loves berries and cream
       -Little lad from Starburst commercial, 2007*

I deeply identify with this song and dance by the wee page boy’d page boy extolling the virtues of berries and cream. To me, it applies to Wimbledon and the famous strawberries and cream of the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club. When this tiny chap claps his hands at the prospect of a sweet treat via berries and cream, I clap my hands at seeing outfits and style at this annual tennis tournament. I’m convinced the royals and celebrities carefully calibrate their appearances, allegiances, and sartorial statements – Jude Law would never go on a day someone more famous will get more camera time, and Meghan supports Serena while other randos vie for the secondary coverage. Some berries and cream is better than no berries and cream. Forthwith, some fashion! (Player clothes choices are a different conversation altogether.)

The Duchesses

Clearly these women will generate the most buzz when appearing at Wimbledon – together and separately. Into the hive!

Joint Duchessing

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One glorious (Earl of) sandwich (and everyone wins at sunglasses!)

Kate: Buttons! Bows! This dress has it all! The buttons say “I’m here for the business of tennis;” the bow says “I’ll also make small talk about your boat.” I don’t understand the forest green but I do understand Kate’s fashion choices tend toward militaristic influences. Carry on. 

Meghan: Our Ralph Lauren princess is back at it. I don’t know if this is actually Ralph Lauren and I shan’t be googling it but it has that classic silhouette. The simple, crisp white shirt shows off the glorious pleated skirt to wondrous effect. Duchess Markle shows us once again she is Queen of Subtle Sophistication. 

Pippa: I’m a sucker for toile but this looks like she got a last-minute invite to appear with the Duchesses while staying at her cottage in the English countryside so she had some mice and birds make a frock real quick out of her country chic curtains. I would like to stage a picnic on that pattern. 

Distinct Duchessing

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Meghan: Has anyone so successfully pulled off a fedora since Paul Newman in The Sting? Doubtful. What other powers does she possess if she can effortlessly slay a fedora look on a random Tuesday? Apparently the jeans are a no-no at Wimbledon, but if I were a duchess, I’d wear jeans any chance I got. I make the rules, you plebes! The light-checked blazer is a tennis homage, to my untrained eye, and I appreciate the casual cool.

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Kate: Bows and buttons continue, but I love this. It’s Kate’s tennis whites with a little black to set it off. She looks like she’s going to underground to crack some codes for WWII Britain whilst tricking the Axis into thinking she’s just visiting her soldier. Some serious spy chic. 

Kate and William: Once again we see the royals sunglassing hard. See this Everyone Looks Hotter in Sunglasses (ELHis) rule. They coordinated! Kate in a powder blue Fraulein Maria-esque frock – the sleeves, what is the folding there? Royal curtains again. But overall, a lovely summer look. I also like the flowery clutch, like she’s stashing seeds for her secret garden in there. William powdered his blue, too, taking cues from his Queen, as he should. 

Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch

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It absolutely delights me that a man who gets paid to lurk in movies and Benediction Corksnatch sat near each other at Wimbledon. What did they talk about? The intricacies of the Marvel universe? Their respective British private schooling? How much Pimms to consume before retiring to the yacht? Oh yes, sorry, their fashions – Mr. Hiddleston appears to have come straight from the investment bank he moonlights at, complete with navy suit. Really throwing caution to the wind there with the polka dot tie. I don’t understand the hair and I won’t respond to it. Mr. Cucumberbench is captivated by something on the court, and was clearly tipped off somehow to Kate’s outfit, because he brought out the powder blue. No competing with the Duchess, however – the is just boring. I’ll expect a better showing next outing, Mr. Corkybang.

Adwoa Aboah

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An expert deployment of the Editor Drape, in lemon, no less. A delicious confection.

Jude and Phillipa Law

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Of COURSE Jude Law’s wife (a psychiatrist) has the most British name ever. I would like to note Mr. Law’s choice of a double-breasted suit. I’ll give him the navy, which as Mr. Hiddleston shows us, mostly belongs to the banking crowd, but the white tie on white shirt and artfully folded pocket square elevate it to…tennis-level pleasantness. Phillipa is what I will aim for the rest of the summer but never achieve.

Bear Grylls and David Beckham

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Who sold all the famous British men the same navy polka dot tie? How is this a problem when you can have pretty much anything you could want at your beck and call? Or is that the only problem when you reach these levels of wealth and fame? Anyway, the beige and navy combo on Mr. Beckham is not my favorite. He’s catering drinks on Bordersnooze Cranberry’s yacht. Mr. Grylls is just boring. Again, what could they be talking about? How to survive in the wilderness of fading into middle-life fame?

Janelle Monáe

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Ms. Monáe is both train conductor and the fashion referee for the rest of you amateurs.

Claire Foy

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I don’t have any comment on this straightforward couch-inspired ensemble but I do love this expression. I like when celebrities go to Wimbledon and actually watch tennis.

Hugh and Anna Grant

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Was there a run on navy suits and ties in the UK this summer? Is there really no other option? Step it up, male celebrities. Hugh is laughing at my need for more interesting satorial choices from men. 

Woody Harrelson

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Corduroy in summer, so brave! If there were any fires I’ll direct the detectives to Mr. Harrelson, who surely started some just by walking around. I have no idea what the fabric up top is but it also looks non-flame retardant. How does someone who lives in Hawaii dress like this in summer?

Pixie Lott and Oliver Cheshire

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I don’t know who these people are but I appreciate their names and Oliver’s pink sherbet suit.

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall

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Camilla, you saucy minx! Whose wedding do you think this is? Sorry, she’s Queen of Cream at the Strawberries and Cream event of the year.

Twiggy

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AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU, TWIGGY! This is exactly what I needed. Leave it to an iconic supermodel to bring the fashunz. Very into the two-tone pink ensemble – it’s already on my list of the best looks of summer 2019.

THAT FAN
Ms. Thompson is bringing us Beatlejuice and I want all of it. She gumshoed her way into my heart. Can’t wait to see what she wears next.

Matthew Goode

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I know I’ve been railing against navy suits but Mr. Goode here gets a pass for showing us that fashion is not just about clothes but also attitude. That smirk says it all. The sunglasses don’t hurt, either.

Maisie Williams

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MAISIE! Gurl coordinated head to toe with the strawberries and cream and for that, I salute her.

James Middleton

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Well played, sir. A fashion ace. Please continue with your King George V/Tsar Nicholas drag.

Ruth Wilson

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Welcome to the circus, in a good way.

Mary Berry

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Ms. Berry is a bounty of festive flowers, and I love her for it.

Keeley Hawes

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Yes, ma’am! The Bodyguard star goes for…the triples court…combining a cream blazer, patterned dress, AND sneakers. A tricky combination to pull off, but she aces it. All the strawberries and cream for you, Keeley.

Ellie Goulding and Caspar Jopling

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Caspar. Jopling.

Kendall Jenner

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Kendall has switched out her tiny sunglasses for post-eye surgery protective lenses. Working what I like to think is a fresh-from-the-stables blue equestrian shirt, she keeps it low-key.

*Yes, I still think about this commercial constantly, along with the Quiznos singing hamsters

Bubble Bob

Something happens to you when you watch Bob Ross for an ungodly amount of time. Like his perm, all lines are blurred, and you start thinking of blues as “phthalos” and baby deer as potential pets. You want all beings in nature to be happy and all clouds to have feelings. And the colors – he uses a base arsenal of 13 and goes all over from there. I’ve spent so much time with these colors that I had to map them all out.

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Continue reading “Bubble Bob”

Suits I Have Seen and Loved

It has come to my attention that certain celebrities have been sporting sundry suitage of late. Specifically, three of the best famous people at work today have showed out in suits that telegraph their talent, their esteemed personage, the David Byrne-esque boxiness that says “I cannot be contained. But I’m wearing a suit that draws a map of my territory.”

Before I present the suit saviors, I need to establish my qualifications. My grandma wore a homemade suit to her wedding in 1947, smashing the patriarchy and serving a timeless look. She meant fashion business even with limited resources at her disposal. So I know from good suitage. Let’s begin.

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Sandra Oh hosting Saturday Night Live

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To host SNL on March 30, Ms. Oh and her fabulous hair rocked a blue tartan suit with a drop blazer (I’m making that a thing), and I now want to make that fabric my family crest. She noted it was her one-year anniversary of becoming an American citizen while recognizing her Korean and Canadian roots. Can we please have Ms. Oh in every editorial from now on? She and fellow visionaries like Whoopi Goldberg are underappreciated fashion plates who have discovered all the secret pathways in Mario Kart while the rest of us can’t even figure out how to get up the ramp in Koopa Troopa Beach. It takes someone with both verve and poise to wear a suit of less conventional proportions, and she gives us a lecture in making style your own. I want to attend her class and sit in her office hours. This country is beyond lucky to have Ms. Oh grace its screens, let one count her as one of its citizens. We are not worthy.

Harry Styles at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

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Mr. Styles had the honor of introducing Stevie Nicks at this year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. (She is the first woman to be inducted twice, which is something I needed to lie down after hearing. Induct all the women multiple times, you soulless award-hoarding men.) And he certainly came correct: a royally blue velour suit, an ultramarine dream, also with a drop blazer and wide-legged pants, complete with Navy-esque white shoes and buttons. All aboard the SS Styles. After saying things about our Stephanie like “she’s the magical gypsy godmother who occupies the in-between,” and “She is a beacon to all of us. Whenever you hear her voice, life gets just a little bit better. When she sings, the world is hers, and it is yours,” he bowed down to her like the royalty she is. Naturally, he knew blue was the only true color to wear on such a divine occasion.

Steven Van Zandt at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

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Not one to be showed up by younger generations, E Street veteran Little Steven brought his own brand of suiting to the same fete as Mr. Styles. Also royally resplendent in a monochrome purple ensemble, the Jersey don rolled up looking like a rock and roll turtle, the kind that lives forever and bears the markings of history on its shell. My theory is that while not on tour with Bruce Springsteen, he moonlights as an enforcer for Grimace, hence all the purple suiting he has apparently accumulated. I stand in awe of his accomplishment in making myriad McDonald’s spokesman violet tones look regal. Or I might just be blinded by the light. But as Bruce himself says, any good magic trick begins with the setup, and Little Steven has Set It Up.

Views on Hues: Bob Ross

How many people have written about watching Bob Ross paint? I don’t know why I’m asking that question because I don’t care about the answer. I’m joining up.

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His dual-color brush move is a killer. One moment, you’re looking at his relaxed hand smoothing some beautiful forest green down a mountainside underneath some lavender-mauve clouds, and the next he flicks the brush in the other direction and a gorgeous emerald tone appears on the other side of the mountain. He is painting a dream with all the right colors, the ones you see in your mind but can never seem to recreate or even name to any satisfaction. But Bob knows how.

What I didn’t remember is that at the beginning of each episode, Bob runs the names of all the colors you’ll need for your own painting at the bottom of the screen. He thinks you can do this, too – that you can take these very same pigments and do what he does. But even a simple background – the basis for a cliffside, say – he’s made a shade of black that you will never recreate. There are many blended colors that make it a unique hue, and even with Bob spelling out its recipe, your cliffside black will not match his. But you can look at it all you want, and that is enough.

Continue reading “Views on Hues: Bob Ross”